Loving the Simple Life.  Had some major life changes that took up lots of time.  I've had to let go on a few thing that was either hindering my life, keeping me from moving forward, and just needing to move on to the next chapter.
Until next time I leave you with this to ponder.

If someone can't truly express love the way it should look like, then they also haven't received True Love the way it looks at us. Instead of getting angry at someone's inability to love, pray that they would encounter True Love in it's truest form...because once you have, you can't help but pour out the overwhelming Love you've received! Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. It's more than just an attitude adjustment...they need an encounter!  ~Jackie Schwartz

I never thought that I would be a homeschooling mom.  I knew, however, at some point of my life I did want to be a stay-at-home mommy.  And I got that chance when Gisele was born.  Unfavorable series of events happened that ended up turning out to be a blessing in so many ways.

Talking about my father has been really difficult to say the least.  At any time the thought about him just cringed the anger set aside just for him.  Anytime I watch those sobby Hallmark commercials, or those "awesome father" Publix commercials, ANY of them, my anger grew and grew towards him.  Because he was NEVER one of those "fathers".  Quite frankly he was the exact opposite.

My whole life growing up I felt very unloved by my parents.  My mom stuck in her Filipino world and my dad drunk and in the garage.  My father was home everyday but I never saw him.  He retracted into his lonely world fixing cars and other mechanics with cigarettes hanging from his lips and a 24 pack of Coors Light that he drank just about all of it in one night.  He wasn't a bad drunk, he didn't beat my mom, me or either of my brothers.  He was just gone.  The only time I really saw him was in the 15 minutes he was home from work and when he made his way to the garage.  I don't ever recall him ever speaking to me.

As I got older and understood more about "love" and "father-ness", I started reaching out to him in the garage as it was the only time I could see him.  I learned alot of things. About cars. About drunks.  About prejudices. About politics. About loneliness. About rejection. And I will say that again louder, REJECTION!  Over and over and over again.  The more I went to him, the more he pushed me away.  I cried all the time.  When I turned 12/13 my father told me that I wasn't allow to eat his food and if I wanted to eat, I had to work for him.  At that time he was still enlisted with the Navy and had his own mobile polishing business called M & L Apple polishing.  On the weekends I had to go with him to detail and polish cars, boats, RVs and such.  I actually liked it.  And I got to be with him.  But he sure did take the food away and told me on certain nights that I wasn't allowed to eat dinner because I didn't work enough.

Fall of 1987 my mother went to the Philippians for a month.  This is when my life as I knew it turned into a nightmare.  I already couldn't eat, I also wasn't allowed to leave my room when he was home.  Every night when he came in from the garage he would open up my door and tell me horrible things.  Like.. You're a piece of $hit, or you're a whore, slu$, and lots of other things.  For 30 nights at 2am when I was asleep, he would wake me up and remind me of who I am.  I didn't even know what those words even meant.  Not until I got into Jr. High School.  So needless to say that when I understood what he was saying, the more my father and I would fight.  Like yelling at the top of my lungs, fight. Almost daily until I moved out at age 16.

I hated my father with a passion and I was so glad he died.  But who am I kidding?  My anger and bitterness became a deeper level of anger and bitterness.  But yet somewhere in my stoned heart, I felt compassion towards him.  On his death bed, as I looked at his thrashing mouth, his sunken eyes, his sunken cheeks, his hard brittle hands, his swollen belly, All I saw was a man who never knew what love was.  I leaned in and told him that I forgave him, that everything is okay and that he can let go and that he can go now. 30 minutes later he left to be with Jesus.  Yes, with Jesus.  After the short version of my life above, you wonder why I say this.  Because the day before he became unable to talk or respond, he accepted Jesus to be his Lord and Savior.  I was there, I saw him with the Father/Minister/Pastor, I heard him accept.  I said those things for him, I said that I forgave him so he didn't have to suffer anymore.  He spent many months sick with lung cancer that eventually spread all over his body.  Chemotherapy and Radiation didn't help and made him sicker.  But I was soooooo far from forgiving him and easily able to hate him even more.  The tears that I shed wasn't from missing him, it was because I will never have a father who would love me, and that angered me.  He left this earth without ever telling me he loved me and that he was proud of his only daughter.  He was so selfish about himself and his smoking that he didn't care enough about his family, his children and his future with us.  He died at age 49.

It took a lot of heartaches and healing to get to where I am now.  To learn what I am worth. To feel extremely loved from my heavenly father who filled in all the gaps I was missing from my earthly father.  To be fully healed from such pain.  It was almost 4 years ago when I got to the point to where I can forgive him.  I didn't "hate" him anymore and was able to look at all the good.  But oh was I wrong.  October 2013, in a hotel room in India with 5 other people doing communion, I meet Jesus as the cross.  I felt His pain and His love for just a nano of a second.  I wouldn't be alive if I felt anymore. To feel that physical pain, to carry the cross, to carry the burden of the world sins on my back, to experience His love for US the world.... only He can be that person, only Jesus could have done that.  I know this sounds weird.  But it was like I traveled back in time and I was there at the foot of the cross.  I felt this extreme amount of passion.  I don't know how to explain it.  Like when you haven't seen a loved one for a long time and the first time you see each other you are so excited, joyful and you just give that person a long big hug, holding tight.  That feeling times 1000.  It was explosive for me.  And this is when I was released and freed from all of those walls I had built in my heart that stemmed from my father.

You see, just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you were healed from the pain.  Although it is relieving but if you aren't going to look at yourself and forgive yourself, you are just living with it.  And this is okay with lots of other circumstances.  But if that hurt has been embedded into your soul, if its shaped the way you live your life, how you cope, how you love or don't love, how you trust, anything, then you must ask God to forgive YOU.  Now that you have forgiven the person who hurt you or offended you, you must begin the process of changing YOU and whats in your heart with by forgiving yourself.

So, today, TO-DAY, TODAY, May 25th 2014, 14 years after his death, I can finally grieve and say ...... I MISS YOU DAD!!! I LOVE YOU AND CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN HEAVEN.

I was pregnant, I miscarried and I named him Daniel.  I held him in my hand, I looked at his soon to be fingers, his legs and soon to be toes, his eyes, his mouth, his spine, his brain, his stomach and his love.

Hoping to be pregnant, Richie and I made the decision that I wouldn't take a test until my next menstrual cycle that would be on March 3rd.  I actually felt pregnant.  I was always tired, sluggish and just didn't want to do anything.  For me, that is a sign of being pregnant with a boy.  But I just couldn't contain myself.  I told a friend that I was 10 days late with no signs of a period coming on.  She knew how much I have been wanting another child.  It really didn't take much, but she convinced me to take a test.  On my way home, I stopped at Walgreens and bought two pregnancy tests.  Got home, took the test and viola, PREGNANT.  I call Richie and he was extremely excited.  I was extremely excited.  Then, it hit me, I AM PREGNANT!!!  I started to cry with fear and I was scared.  I will be 40 with a newborn.  But I didn't want to be 40 with a newborn.  I already came to terms that God didn't want me to have another baby.  So I started a few projects, made some business decisions that would increase bookings and volume, and most of all left the idea of having another baby behind.

So here we are happy happy happy as can be.  The thought of a little boy coming into this world about the same time our oldest son will be leaving the home and going into the world just makes the whole idea of our transition in life come to a full circle.  Not to mention a cute little Richie running around the house.  Nothing but joy.

On March 12th, I went to the ER for a one time vaginal bleeding.  I wouldn't have gone but it was more than enough to be concerned and I had been struggling with Gestational Diabetes. My intentions of going to the ER wasn't because I was scared for the baby but more so of my own life (and the baby too, of coarse).  My GD was pretty ruff but well maintained with diet during my last pregnancy so I was concerned since I am older.  And my OneTouch readings had been in the 135 to 185 zone.

ER Doctor diagnosed a Missed Miscarriage because they couldn't hear the heartbeat and wanted to immediately do a D&C (dilation and curettage) .  A Missed Miscarriage is basically saying that the baby is dead but the body has not expelled any tissue or the baby.  My uterus was also closed.  So being that my hormone level matches the time frame of where I should be from my last menstrual (12,980 = 5-7 weeks) and not hearing a heartbeat, I felt that it was a missed diagnosis.  I also had a tilted or inverted uterus which makes it a little harder to find.  I felt that it was way too early for them to diagnose something like that.  

On March 18th I missed carried at home.  Was the ER Doctor right? Was the extreme stress and worry they installed cause the miscarriage?  On March 14th, I saw my OB Doctor for a follow-up from the ER visit and she said that she wanted to wait for the baby to get a little older to do another test.  She didn't confirm anything from the ER results.  She wanted to run her own tests and see for herself.  I am assuming here but I would think that if the ER results are 100% she would just move on to the next step.  Mind you that I have been going to this OB's office for 15 years.  They know my history so there is no need to sugar coat anything. 

As I felt the big gush of tissue slip out of my, you know, I immediately got scared and did hope it was an abnormally large blood clot.  But it was too much tissue to convince myself.  I stuck my hand down there and caught it before it fell.  The sack, placenta and surrounding tissue all intact. Richie and I just weeped.  I began to ask God, "Why?"  "Why would you bless us to only take it away?"  Only seconds later I start poking at the sack so I can see the baby and there he was.  And WOW how amazing!!!!  I mean WOW, Amazing.  How can anyone say that this isn't a life?? That is all I could think of while I wiped the tears off my face.  I just said it over and over again.  At 7-9 weeks gestation, he had arms, legs, inside abdominal parts, a brain, eye sockets, and a mouth.  You can see the skeletal bones already forming in the fingers, the lines in the spine and the bones in the legs.  Evolution did not create that!  Only God could create such a miraculous thing.

I'll tell you what, I couldn't be more blessed to have seen and experience this baby.  I know it's really hard for some women to go through loosing a baby.  It is extremely heart breaking.  I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for my faith in Jesus, my husband, friends who just gave me hugs and many who had prayed.  I felt strong in the Lord and felt every prayer that was prayed for us.  And I am still amazed how God created that little human right there.  


I am currenly studying the book of Ruth by Kelly Minter. On week two, day two of the book, it talks about the harvest. How can you weep and sow simultaneously? My answer; Being open, humble, transparent and sharing how God is all in it.

Leaving a Legacy.  What does that even mean?  You look it up and it's definition alludes to money or property.  Thank goodness the Merriam-Webster dictionary expands on it.

leg·a·cy

I like number two.  I just don't want to leave the earth in financial freedom and a "legacy" my future family could thrive on.  I want to leave a Legacy of wisdom, love, compassion, moral ethics, and most of all a life with Jesus Christ.

Tonight, as I walk into the girls room to tuck them in bed, I see that Natalia is consoling Gisele.  Gisele is wiping the tears from her eyes so I asked what any mother would ask "What is the matter Gisele?"

I laid down next to her and so she begins to tell me her deepest thought.  "What would life be like when her mommy and daddy have died?"  Not something you encounter everyday from a 6 year old.  She imagines her future, married with kids, and her mommy and daddy are old and they die.  She imagines what it would be like, how would she feel and how would her kids feel.  And for a moment she has a vision of the future.

It goes beyond that.  This girl of mine is deep.  She talks about how important it is to be happy, to love everyone and always be a family.  She said, "That's why Jesus needs to be in our lives all the time. Because Jesus wants us to be happy, to love everyone and be together as family."  She said, "God needs to be in our hearts so that we can see each other in heaven."  Seriously!!!  I know I've been trying to raise my kids to LOVE Jesus but dang, I didn't think I would be seeing the fruit just yet.

Then, it dawned on me that she had a vision of our families legacy.  I love John 17.  It's the perfect way of how we should leave a legacy.  In John 17:4-5 "I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began."  Not only did Jesus obey His Father, he was also focused on obedience by teaching His disciples.  John 17:6  “I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word." One of the greatest example of leaving a legacy is the one Jesus left with the disciples, by His obedience and the life He led.  Can you imagine if Jesus didn't obey God the Father? That the disciples didn't continue in His teachings?  In the whole passage of John 17, Jesus shows us how to have a true legacy of His glory.  If you really want to know more of who Jesus is, I suggest that you read that.  Humble, Focused, Faithful..... (if you have any questions on this, I would love to have a conversation with you)

Richie and I are first generation Born Again Christian's within our immediate family.  We have begun establishing our foundation to live a life as Jesus did.  We are only 7 years old.  It was really important to us that we start changing the way of life we grew up in.  Start finding truth in the lies we believed.  And we worked double time.  Our two older children already had the taste of the worldly ways.  So we pressed in like no other.

My 6 year old daughter taught and showed me what true legacy looks like.

It's been on my heart for a long time now to share with you things about my daily life around here in the Capellan household.  I have so much to share with you about living a simple life, about all my quirky idea's, all my trials on raising Godly children, where I will share some amazing recipes using Essential oils AND food, photography, books I love, all of anything that has to do with life and where you will see me chase after God's mercy and grace.

When thinking about the title, I originally came up with MommyMacgyver.  I always find a way to "fix" things.  Whether it's an infinity shoe lace knot, the sink, the van or boo boo's.  I will always try to find a way.  My husband always used to say, "Where there's a Jeannita (little Jeannie), there's a way."  Well, that was already taken.  What else?  I glanced at my life and thought how simple I live.  Not just with things but really with my spirit and thus, "Love the Simple Life" was born.

Who are you:  I am naturally curious so I am always seeking answers and knowledge.  If you only knew how much I read. (that is actually my biggest obstacle).  This may be an oxymoron to that but I am naturally a skeptic as well.  I love numbers especially when it comes to statistics so I am always analyzing things.  I used to have a really really great photographic memory but it seems to be fading, its still good though.  Maybe because I use my camera more often to log those memories forever.  I have a natural GPS system in my brain.  But like all electromagnetic toys, sometimes it gets out of whack.  So don't get mad at me if I tell you I don't know where we are.  Take it as a true act of humility.  I am always randomly singing around the house to songs I don't really know all the lyrics too.  And so does my whole family.  We mostly sing Praise songs and Disney songs.  What seems to be popular right now is "Let it Go" from Frozen and "How do you know" from Enchanted.

When you spend time with me, you will see that I am not the serious person you thought I was.  I have a BIG servants heart.  So I take great joy in serving others.  I love DIY's but in a more practical life hacks way. Not the Pinterest painting old furniture to make it look Shabby Chic kind of way.  Hence, MommyMacgyver.  Although you should follow me on Pinterest.  I have some awesome boards.  I quickly look for a solution and my brain will rapidly run the options like a computer and start canceling the solution out based on the end result.  This happens within seconds.  I am big on Holistic and natural cures.  And now for over a year I have been using Essential oils which has taken our health to another level.  I love the color purple, I love dragonflies and elephants, I love photography, I almost love homeschooling, I love fresh flowers - peonies to be exact - well I love wild flowers too, I love traveling around the world, I love praying, I love my family and most of all I love Jesus Christ.  Oh and the BEACH, how do I love thee.

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